For some, a college campus can be a biggest fear.

With one in five women being victims of attempted or completed sexual assault while in college, according to the National Institute for Justice, there’s plenty information to back up this fear.

Alexia Tillman didn’t start school at COD her freshman year. Instead, she started in Florida at New College, her ultimate dream school. All of Tillman’s dreams of staying in beautiful Sarasota with an abundance of great friends were crushed when she became the one in five.

Tillman was given the opportunity to share her journey with the College of DuPage community through Take Back the Night.

Take Back the Night is a national event hosted by colleges to bring awareness and support to victims of sexual assault. The event allows participants to break their silence on sexual assault and find strength to overcome their aggressors.

With a stage lined by candles and mason jars, soft music playing in the back, four brave survivors shared their stories with College of DuPage through The Feminist Alliance’s Take Back the Night event. The event was held in the student life lounge on April 27.

The Alliance opened the night with a screening of Lady GaGa’s “Until it Happens to You,” music video. The song is an original for “The Hunting Ground,” a documentary based on sexual assaults on college campuses.

The video takes watchers through several different stories of rape and assault. The student life lounge fell silent except for soft cries from those who connected with the strong lyrics. “Until it happens to you, you don’t know how it feels.”

Tillman, president of the Feminist Alliance, took the stage next. With counselors and support around, she expressed the fact that things shared throughout the night may be triggering. Students were pointed to faculty members or craft stations in the back to find relief. 

With a shaking voice and pale face, Tillman expressed how she’s never told anybody her story beyond a handful of friends. The moment proved powerful. Students listened with locked watery eyes on Tillman, ready for what she was going to share next.

She couldn’t handle the whispers. She couldn’t handle the backlash she got from her friends. “He would never do that.” She could not handle to see her assaulter on the same campus with her every day.

“I immediately found my place, and those I met quickly became family,” said Tillman. “On Thursday May 15, 2014, I was sexually assaulted.”

She transferred to COD and spun into a downward spiral of post-traumatic stress disorder and a silence that bound her down and separated her from everybody she knew. It was Tillman’s mother who got her to break her silence.

Tillman did not contact the police immediately after the assault, Tillman went through a Title IX investigation instead for three months. Her assaulter was found guilty and initially expelled. Her assaulter, a friend who pressured her and attacked her, walked away with a one semester suspension after he appealed.

The Alliance came together to create the pact, “It’s on us.” The movement got students and faculty to pledge they will no longer stand by and allow for women and men to get assaulted. They will be active in its prevention and its aftercare for survivors. A once blank poster with the pact was filled with signatures by the end of the night.

Tillman ended her story, “I’m proud to say I’m a survivor and proud to say I’m taking back the night.” Tillman is beyond excited to transfer to Columbia College Chicago next year and start again.

As Tillman ended, she opened the field to a fellow Alliance officer to share her lifelong journey of a stolen childhood and multiple assaults. These opening stories allowed for several other students to feel safe enough to share their own struggles.

Though the stories felt heavy on the weight of their bearers, by the end of the night positivity and a path ahead was realized. Students channeled their hurt into creativity and promises for a better and safer tomorrow.

Help can be found through the student talk line, a 24-hour hotline for COD students at (630) 264-0394 or the National Alliance on Mental Illness for DuPage County at (630) 752-0066.

These stories were publicly shared at Take Back the Night, stories have been cut shorter yet originally words remain the same.

Alexia Tillman:

“The second I stepped foot in the New College of Florida campus I knew it was the school I wanted to attend. I had received the Presidential Scholarship, which covered half of my tuition. That day, my decision was made. I was Florida-bound. The memories in that year alone caused me to cry both tears of happiness and sorrow. And while my experience at New College was predominantly positive, one night tainted nearly every positive memory I had of the school. On Thursday, May 15, 2014 I was sexually assaulted. When an assault is committed by someone else you know, it is immensely harder for people to believe you. Of course I said ‘no’, several times. But I couldn’t fight back. I froze. So many people didn’t believe me. Why didn’t I scream or yell? Why didn’t I fight back? Why didn’t I call the police? I’ve come a long way in my recovery. I’ve overcome a lot of symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. I attended this school for the past year, and I am the proud president of the Feminist Alliance and an officer for the Mental Health Awareness Team. I also work for campus central and get to interact with transfer students like myself. I am very excited to be transferring to Columbia College Chicago next year. I am proud of where I’ve come in my recovery. I’m proud to say I am a survivor.”

Anonymous:

“I am an almost 22 year-old woman going to school for nursing. My goal is to help people and to spread the word for sexual assault. There is no need to hide it and feel victimized, but our world makes us revictimized. He has taken 18 years of my life away from me. I had to grow up quick, without a childhood or adolescence. I was just a little kid when it first happened to me. My first time, I was 11, almost 12. He told me that he would kill my sisters if I had ever said anything. I believed him, and because the love for my siblings was so clear, he knew that was a way to shut me up. I was too afraid to scream. So I did nothing. [The assault] happened on and off for a few months. I never knew when it would happen because it was so spontaneous. I never told anyone about him. He is still roaming today. I was nothing but 11 years old when my innocence was stolen from me. Not only was my adolescence stolen from me but my sexuality and a chance at a healthy relationship was ruined.”