LONELY HEARTS: Democrat desperately seeking love


Brandon Beckwith

CLASSIFIEDS: A lonely Democrat longing to give my love to the presidential candidate who can steal my heart…. (pictured: Bernie Sanders, Cory Booker, Elizabeth Warren, Kamala Harris)

Joey Weslo, General Assignment Reporter

Desperate voter, longing to be satisfied.

Republicans fall in line, but Democrats fall in love.

O the field is many, but my heart is just one. Which candidate shall sweep me off my feet? Whose progressive platform shall enchant my deepest desires? Who can reach across the aisle and help both chambers come together?

I’m not looking for anything long-term, just eight years of vigorous financial and environmental regulation. I desire more than just economic stimulation. I need someone who can court my Rust Belt and woo my Midwest. Someone who isn’t afraid to venture with blue-collar swingers while also exciting my urban areas.  

 I need more than just romantic gestures. Promises must be kept. Can you stay true to me and fulfill where my heart belongs?

Can you offer me a single-payer healthcare plan without cooking the numbers? I can’t set my love on wishful thinking; can you persuade the rational side of me? Can you balance federal spending with fiscal responsibility?

Will you be strong for me when I need you the most? Will you stand up to Wall Street and against greedy corporate interests? Will you protect the consumer and safeguard the institutions preventing another economic crisis?

Will you support campaign finance regulation? I need to know while you have my heart, your hands aren’t in the pockets of some big financier. I require your loyalty and devotion. I can’t have you sneaking off with big oil or some corporate tycoon.

I need someone who won’t shy away from their global responsibilities. We’ve spent 70 years on institutionalizing the liberal world order; I don’t need another home-wrecker. I can’t have another isolationist; I require greater commitment to empathy. Will you get along with my family of allies and aid them as if their concerns were your own? Will you repudiate my authoritarian foes and realize what dangers their nationalistic populism brings?

Will you cooperate with all those in the global community and realize their success ensures our own? Our love must dismantle barriers and end trade conflicts. Confrontations harm all those involved. Our love must stand up to tyranny and fight against oppression.

Will your love lift the lamp beside the golden door, or will you continue to deny access along my southern border? Love is open-arms. Our romance must provide aid to the tempest-tossed, the huddled masses yearning for freedom. Love bridges divides and conquers hate. Our love must tear down walls.

Can those who contribute to society feel free from deportation?

Love eradicates the disparities between one another. Can you provide equal protection under the law? Can you provide equal opportunity free from racial, gender or sexual orientation discrimination? Will you combat institutionalized misogyny and a culture of sexual harassment? Will you ensure everyone can feel safe being true to their identities?

I need someone who believes our strength is mirrored in the most desperate among us. We are as strong as the trivialized and forgotten. Will you provide employment and educational funding to the most impoverished neighborhoods? Will you support higher taxes on the more fortunate to alleviate the burden of the less fortunate? Will you end corporate tax cuts and laws that only benefit the wealthy?

Are you brave enough to satisfy your social responsibilities? Will you expand services and encourage growth in the middle-class? Will you condemn trickle-down economics as tested and failed? Will you take care of the elderly, feed the poor and provide healthcare where care is needed?

Can you stand on the side of support for female reproductive rights? Can you provide paid leave for mothers? Will you ensure no child is in danger of preventable diseases?

I need someone who recognizes universal pre-kindergarten isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. My love must realize all those amongst us deserve a livable working wage and opportunity to housing free from discriminatory lending. Will you support greater public educational funding, and realize private preference in education is modern segregation?

Will you realize people deserve the right to choose their leaders, rather than leaders choosing their voters? Will you realize discriminatory districting is voter suppression? Will you listen to all voices and ensure the support of a voter is valued more than the support of a corporate lobbyist?

Are you strong enough to challenge exorbitant drug prices? Are you strong enough to combat the opioid crisis? Are you compassionate enough to continue criminal justice reform? Will you support the re-sentencing of non-violent offenders; will you focus on rehabilitation? Will you realize capital punishment has only punished those without capital?

Will you understand with no justice we can have no peace? Will you support the end to impunity among figures of authority? Will you see justice isn’t retribution, it emanates from closure? Will you condemn heavy-handed policing? Will you condemn supremacist violence? Will you help the misguided among us see Islamaphobia preaches against our national values?

Will you help the disillusioned see, nobody is born a racist, and compassion can heal the deepest of wounds?

I long to feel the embrace of one who knows the planet’s true worth. Are you savvy enough to combat carbon emissions without fear of opposition? Are you noble enough to spurn oil conglomerates at the behest of all humanity? Will you recognize climate change and endeavor to collaborate with global leaders? Can you formulate policies to maximize employment in the burgeoning green energy sector?

Are you strong enough to punish those who wish the environment harm? Can you realize the benefits in ending oil imperialism? Can you convince the workers opposition to their employer is not opposition to their employment? Will you provide for those forsaken to a changing economy?

Can you realize the right of the individual ends where it causes harm to the masses? Will you support firearm regulation and a commercial ban on assault-weapons? Will background checks run in tandem with mental-health funding?

Will you provide counseling aid to the students who need it most? Can you combat the stigma against mental health and encourage young leaders to step forward? Can you inspire the next generation to take an active role in our democracy? Will their voices be heard; will you support their demands?

Can you find bipartisan compromise and revolutionize our degrading infrastructure? Will you work together to move us forward, or will you let ideological schisms tear us apart?

I have given my heart out before. I have seen the quagmires a failure to compromise creates. Don’t be a leader of opposition; be one who will inspire action.

For the many candidates who stand upon the podium, I need you to rectify some troubling quandaries.

Are you free from prejudice; is your closet clear of any skeletons?

Can you distinguish democratic socialism from more than just a populist trend?

Do you preach equality for all, yet failed to provide equality under the law when you were state’s attorney general?

Did you take advantage of another’s heritage to advance your professional career?

Did you condemn sexual harassment of a Supreme Court nominee, yet were responsible for placing another harasser on the bench?

Are you trying to cover-up your conservative voting record from earlier in your political career?

Has your devotion to the underprivileged of your hometown, been compromised by close ties with the rich and mighty on Wall Street?

Do you run your campaign on small-donations, while surreptitiously receiving donations from big oil?

Are you too far left to hold us together; are you too far to the center to inspire my affection?

I will forgive your discretions if you prove the value of your character. Do you possess the compassion to help us heal?

The stakes of our romance have never been higher. The greatest challenge awaits us. Our love must stand the brutal onslaught of constant examination. One who spews hatred will try to tear our love asunder. He will attack our love with everything in his armory. Our fidelity must conquer the antithesis of love.

Together, through the many trials and tribulations of love, our unity must always rise above, the opposition’s dismal lack thereof.