Sports are a human construct, and so are drugs. Well, at least some of them.
Athletes have been using Performance Enhancing Drugs since the term was invented to describe what they were doing. It occurs in every level of play (maybe not little league), every day of every week. Some get caught, some don’t, but it’s known that it happens. I think it’s time to accept that it’ll never be contained and we should actively start giving our athletes drugs.
We could either set up leagues specifically for those looking to use PEDs, or just straight up legalize it completely, I’d be content with either choice. And I’m not just talking about steroids, that’s only one part of the equation. Imagine seeing a boxing match between two individuals who had been administered some of Columbia’s finest fish scale before their bout, or basketball players on PCP. It adds an entirely new dimension to the game, which can either be an obstacle or an enhancement depending on the scenario. It may not be enjoyable for the athlete, but either way, it will be for the one person that matters most: the consumer (me).
This isn’t even an original idea. A guy by the name of Dock Ellis, a pitcher for the Pirates, pitched a perfect game under the influence of LSD. He said the energy of the crowd and the moment made him black out, and when he came to he had achieved the greatest feat a pitcher can accomplish. Nobody even knew what he had done until years later when they made a documentary about the event. If a man can manage to strike out an entire team in the midst of a psychedelic venture, surely others could manage similar feats for our morbid entertainment.

How many times do we have to see the same hail mary or half court three pointer before it’s just an impressive feat of athleticism, and not something worth jumping out of my chair for? There are only so many plays and so many dynamics involved in these games, and besides changing the rules or coming up with entirely different games altogether, there isn’t much room for improvement/alterations. So the only reasonable course of action I can contemplate in regards to my jaded disposition is to get all of our athletes whacked out on drugs.
Just think of all the hilarious future youtube/vine/whatever visual media we would have to enjoy. Soccer players on LSD chasing real field fairies, bowlers on boomers, Tennis stars tweaked out on stimulants, the possibilities are endless. And they’d all be giant freaks of nature because they wouldn’t have to hide their steroid use, so they could just cycle on and off ad ifintium.

We as a society revere the athlete to too high a degree. We must remember at the end of the day, they are here for our entertainment, not the other way around. And frankly, they should be able to understand that fighting over a ball made of various materials and buoyancies can only captivate the minds of consumers for so long, before we seek sensory gratification elsewhere. Save sports, legalize drugs.