COD brings new life.. forms to its campus

Alison Pfaff, Features Editor

(SATIRE) With the decline of human students being enrolled at College of DuPage, the college is making efforts to fill in that gap. Extraterrestrial life forms were accepted as students to the college in the beginning of the spring 2019 semester.

Bob Smith, a student at COD, thinks this idea is a good opportunity.

“It is good to see other experiences brought to the school,” Smith said. “I hope they can see what Earth has to offer, and take that knowledge back to their home planets.”

While human enrollment is down, parking at COD has still been a challenge. This is because of the new addition of E.T. life forms looking to COD for a proper college education.

An anonymous E.T. has come to COD from her home planet in order to build a future on earth as well at home.

“I came to COD to earn an Associate of Arts, in order to transfer to a 4-year school on my home planet, Mars,” she said. “I wanted to gain new experiences on earth. And I have definitely done that! I don’t know how I will live without those Frappuchino things at Starbucks when I have to return, or pizza. I’m amazed at the possibilities that pizza has!”

Anonymous E.T noted some of her favorite places around COD.

“The library.. Is that what you call it? It’s great. I didn’t know that there was a way to check out books to read for free! Also, the MAC always has cool artwork to look at. I will say though, I don’t understand ‘modern art’ as you humans call it.”

COD has embraced the new addition of students to their campus.

John Wilson, who works in the admissions office has encouraged new students from all planets. He believes that there are benefits on both planets.

“We want to accept as many E.T.s as we can, in order to expose them to the our planet as well as education system. I think it is great,” Wilson said. “This is a good opportunity for those from other planets to learn about us and for us to better understand them.”  

Tuition for out-of-planet students is steep- at $50,000 per credit hour. Depending on the planet’s currency, the price differs.

Some students are skeptical of the idea. Alexis Smitt questions why someone from another planet would want to go to COD.

“I really don’t understand the appeal. Earth itself is falling apart. It’s all over the news. Why would anyone want to come here… more specifically… COD? Glen Ellyn is nice and everything, but personally I find it boring,” Smitt said. “If you’re going to go anywhere on earth…Why would someone come to the midwest of the United States?

Anonymous E.T. is excited for the future at COD.

“I can’t wait to take more classes and make more earthling friends,” she said.

COD is conducting research on enrollment, and will provide a full report at the beginning of the fall 2019 semester.