The Courier

Parents charged (not) with getting kids into college through Hard Work and Determination

Back to Article
Back to Article

Parents charged (not) with getting kids into college through Hard Work and Determination

Kimberly Wilson, Opinion Editor

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






(SATIRE) Scandal has shaken the world of college admissions after news broke of the egregious ways several students recently gained admission to prestigious colleges and universities. Authorities say an FBI investigation, code-named Operation Big Nerds, revealed a plethora of working-to-middle class parents helped their children gain admittance to schools like Stanford and Yale solely by way of hard work and determination.

“This case is about the perpetuation of morals and decency in the college admissions process, which we cannot allow to continue, obviously,” said U.S. Attorney for Massachusetts Brandon Washington in a press conference last Tuesday.

“There can be no separate college admission for normal folk, and I will add there will be no separate criminal justice system either,” he added.

Washington added that as of now, no colleges themselves are targets of the investigation. He also stated no students–or parents–were charged as, in a shocking development, no actual laws were broken.

Some parents did things like encourage their children to do their homework on time, read ahead for their classes and get involved in any extra-curricular activities they were interested in so they could present a well-rounded application, Tessa Villegas, FBI special agent in charge, said.

“Their actions were, without question, underhanded, self-centered and disgraceful,” she added.   

Emails obtained through the investigation revealed more outrageous measures parents were willing to endure to ensure their children had the best chances of being accepted to the colleges of their choosing. One parent from Glen Ellyn emailed her mother about how she was prepping her 15-year-old daughter to take the ACTs early.

The appalling email acquired by the FBI is as followed.

“Hi mom, hope you’re well. I’m just emailing to let you know Madison’s preparations for her exams are going well. Her classes, chess club and viola lessons always come first, but any free time she gets I encourage her to spend studying, and I think it is really paying off. She passed her mock exams the other day with flying colors. Jim says, hi. Love, Alison.”

Karla Greenwood, a representative for “Alison,” told The Courier she had no comment.

Unsurprisingly, students who have attempted to get into college the expected way of lying and cheating were rightly horrified by the news. Lindsay Weslo, a current freshman at USC, recounted how in order to boost her chances of admission, her family Photoshopped her face onto a random athlete’s body to make the college think she was a semi-professional tennis player.

“Like, I couldn’t believe when I heard. To think that people would actually go to the library and stuff is just…wow. All my hard work seems so invalidated now. I mean, not that my family doesn’t have the money to pay, but Photoshop can be really expensive.”

Of everyone not charged, as, again, everything they did was all totally legal, 43 are parents and 22 were high school teachers who would always encourage their students to try their best. The others were a mix of extended family members who always sent their love and support and high school counselors who helped students throughout the college application process.

The investigation involved more than 200 federal agents who were stationed across six states. The inspection began last May after agents discovered evidence of “widespread dignity” while working on another undercover investigation, the FBI’s Villegas said.

“Ten months of focused investigative efforts led the FBI to uncover what we see as a normal system,” Villegas said. “Taking away the opportunity for rich families all over the country to successfully engage in a multitude of scams that would be, quite frankly, way more interesting.”

 

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Leave a Comment

Comments are closed.

Navigate Left
  • Parents charged (not) with getting kids into college through Hard Work and Determination

    Satire

    COD Looks to Increase Enrollment Through Lowered Expectations

  • Parents charged (not) with getting kids into college through Hard Work and Determination

    Satire

    BREAKING COD NEWS STORIES YOU CAN’T MISS

  • Parents charged (not) with getting kids into college through Hard Work and Determination

    Satire

    College of DuPage Offers New Social Media Studies Program

  • Parents charged (not) with getting kids into college through Hard Work and Determination

    Satire

    Sodexo Announces It Will Now Be Serving Food in the Cafeteria

  • Parents charged (not) with getting kids into college through Hard Work and Determination

    Satire

    COD Athletics Introduces: Please Play With Us, Why Do You Hate Me?

  • Satire

    Horoscopes

  • Parents charged (not) with getting kids into college through Hard Work and Determination

    Satire

    COD brings new life.. forms to its campus

  • Parents charged (not) with getting kids into college through Hard Work and Determination

    Satire

    Why Robocop is the answer to all of Detroit’s problems

  • Parents charged (not) with getting kids into college through Hard Work and Determination

    Satire

    How To Sneak Into Lollapalooza

  • Parents charged (not) with getting kids into college through Hard Work and Determination

    Satire

    After ‘Hamilton’ success on Broadway, here comes ‘Trump’

Navigate Right
College of DuPage's student newspaper | Est. 1967
Parents charged (not) with getting kids into college through Hard Work and Determination